Where Did Everyone Go?

Wow...I'm so slammed at work that I haven't had the time (or energy)to write. I thought my last entry would have gotten some feedback but not even one entry. Has my blog been abandoned? Become stagnant?

It used to be a nice outlet in many ways...both fantasy and reality. And the opinions/advice from the gals was great.

Well, I was joking about using some EVOO on my wife the other day 'cause Rachel Ray is just a little hottie that needs a good "man meat" sandwich and I asked her if she would do Rachel. She still doesn't get the whole male interest in girl on girl. I think deep down, most guys think once that got started, it would become a threesome and then he could be the stud in pleasuring both women.

Speaking of pleasure, that's something gone in my marriage. So I ask you, do you go outside of it? Or honor your vow and suffer...or get callouses? LOL on that for some of you I'm sure! But seriously, do married men and women actually meet just for physical needs without having to develop a relationship? That may sound shallow...but some people just want to feel sexually appreciated and satisfied.

I will try to write more often and get some regulars back...

Do What You Have To Do

Well, while my last post was a bit dark and I did appreciate the feedback as it was soul-bareing, this entry is more even keeled.

I've decided not to play her games and feel bad about myself. I know what kind of person I am. And what's most important to me...my kids.

Knowing that children growing up without their father in their daily lives have all sorts of documented shortcomings, I'll do without for their sake. And hey, with luck, I might actually get "lucky" and be treated to sex once a month.

The hurt and longing are pretty much over. I've been without intimacy and tenderness for so long that it's just gone. Maybe when we're in our 60's and the kids are leaving for careers, we can reconnect in some tender way.

But I guess I'll always watch fading sunsets and think about loss and emptiness. Pretty sad for something that should be beautiful, inspiring, and a symbol of hope.

In times of duress, humans persevere by doing what they have to do.

I'm Baaacckkkk...in BLACK

The setting: drinking some Sam Adams Octoberfest beer, listening to Prince double CD B-sides, feeling no pain or limitations.

The reason: being a bit lit up and not having any children responsibilities or wife BS to deal with, I thought of entertaining/educating you again.

Damn...in the right setting, Prince f'ing rocks...and this is coming from a Black Sabbath/Nirvana devotee...

SO, what's my bag man? Things are OK...but my wife's a bitch. It dawned on me tonight over sharing some beers with guys from work that this is the second time in seven years that I've had some guys over for beers after work. F'ing bitch...I'm a great husband...help with kids, clean up after dinner after her tough day of staying home and my f'ing stressful day at work, etc.

Yeah...it's the alcohol talking, but I'd love to f her in the ass and dominate her. Blow a load in her mouth. Just to show her I really don't give a shit anymore. I'm not going to kiss ass just to keep harmony. F that..and having to always initiate. I can do without...the innocent hugs from my kids is all the physical contact I need.

Sexy MF on now...know the song?

No, I'm not rambling...fully lucid....thinking about visiting gangbangsquad or bangmywife for kicks...maybe if she was treated like a slut and dominated, she might change her attitude. You know the one...the suburban wife that has it all and feels entitled to it. F you if you're judging me..you should be on your knees giving it up to your man with appreciation that he isn't getting it somewhere else.

And F you about issue I have. I'm a good man and deserve better. I don't need your analytical BS...

Nah...I'm not hostile...just fed up. My wife and I fucked like porn stars when we met in college. Was that just to land me? We did it all. Over time it's been reduced to just spooning and only if I nearly beg for it.

Women...men want to fuck. We want blow jobs. Physical intimacy equals love to us. And even more so when we don't have to nearly beg for it.

Gett Offf playing right now. We used to dance to this and Erotic City and hump on the dance floor and didn't care who saw us. (sigh) I miss those days. Not even the sex so much as the unity in the togetherness. And screw the ideas of getting it back. She's happy living in the past, bringing up past transgretions like raising my voice when I'm not liking something, etc.

Am I BLACK in mood...yeah. She's out of town with the kids this weekend. At her mom's throwing me under the bus. The great thing is I don't care. Her mother is an idiot so no loss.

If I wasn't strong in my Faith...I'd have a hottie grinding on my lap right now. Someone that would appreciate the time and tenderness I put into them with my tongue, cock, etc. How many woman would love 20-30 of oral complete with fingers, mini vibe, etc. I don't quit until asked.

Mentally I've quit though.

I'm tired of the games.

Easier to just pass out on the couch.

Sorry this wasn't more uplifting or left a lesson.

Life has a way of getting in the way...

I'm Baaaack

Hey all...things are returning to "normal"...working, kids going to school, not having sex with wife because the pace at my new job is light speed so I'm wiped by 9PM. Far be it for her to initiate.

For whatever reason, she likes to brood and be unhappy. She even questioned me in a mocking way why my sudden interest in God. I would think that most people would welcome their spouse working on becoming a better Christian.

I've been thinking that when my son grows up, I should tell him to get as much as he can because the well dries up when you are still thirsty.

I told my wife that the intimacy of sex makes me feel closer to her. She said she doesn't understand why men need to perform this physical demonstration so often. Maybe I should just encourage her to eat more and get fat so I'll be repulsed by the thought of her naked. Yes, I'm shallow...physical attraction is important to me. Men ARE visual oriented...so what do you want from me...feelings?

Well, that's enough after a long lay off. I'll probably return to weekly entries.

Be well and live each day like it's your last...you just never know.

Apologies/Updates/Questions

First of all, I do apologize for not writing for nearly a month. I guess my mind has been too preoccupied with looking for a job to enjoy a diversion like my blog. I checked the comments on my last entry and thank you all for your kind thoughts and comments.

To update you all, the job search has been going well. I currently have three opportunities that are close to making offers. Hopefully, by my next entry, I'll be happily employed, feeling secure again, and ready to pour my heart out to you all.

Now, for the juicy questions. My wife and I have been having way more "pillow talk" lately than what we ever did before. Of course, I have to initiate it, but she responds without any reservation or judgement. For instance, I recently asked her what good was thrusting into her if she could only climax by my rubbing her clit. She said it still felt good and that she liked it. She saw I was confused by her reply and asked why. I reponded that I suppose I could understand it like if she was gently stroking my cock and then moved onto something else (oral, doggie, etc.) that took me to climax.

Now, we've been married nearly 20 years and we never talked like this before. Maybe we were too embarrassed, maybe too into ourselves, maybe worried about what each other would think. What I do know is that this new openess is quite enjoyable as we learn and see a whole new side to each other.

So, first question is, did you need time as well to speak openly about various sex related subject with your significant other?

Moving on, I asked her to get on top so I could watch her enjoy herself. She said she didn't feel any different on top and that she thought it was all about show for the man. I thought many woman could climax easier on top and asked if when she moved her hips at different angles if my cock didn't rub against her clit. She said no, sex always felt best to her with me thrusting into her in various positions. Comments ladies?

Oh, for the questions from my last post. We're mostly using condoms when having intercourse now that wife is off the pill, but we are doing that about 50% of the time and the other 50% is either oral or just hand jobs. We both really like looking at each other naked and using our hands to get each other off. She also really likes watching me come and I find that a major turn on. She's never once been turned off by how much or how far I shoot my load and never has complained about if there was a wet spot on the bed. And now that she's off the pill, the wetness isn't just from me!!! I love it when her juices are literally oozing out of her and there's a sucking sound as I thrust in and out!!!

I think that she secretly loves that I am so turned on by her and that I get so crazy but that she doesn't want to be see as a "bad girl."

My plan for tonight is to tell her, while fucking, that she should whisper something really dirty in my ear right before she comes so I can come with her at the same time. I enjoy holding out as long as possible so I can come with her. Talk about two hearts beating as one.

Hope all is well with you all in life and love.

Z