My "S"'s are running on empty

Yes...Satisfaction and Sex are non existent these days for a myraid of reasons. My blog friend Aprhron suggested SSDD (believe he meant SAD: Seasonal Affective Disorder)as a culprit for this slowdown for me (and for sexblogs in general).

As I write this, I hear Jackson Browne's "Running on Empty" playing through my head.

And the damn thing is, I really haven't missed the sex that much because I've had some sort of bacterial infection that makes swallowing very painful. I'm wiped out and don't have any enthusiasm or drive to try and overcome my wife's obvious SAD, chemical inbalance after childbirth, low libido from birth control pills, etc.

Just once, after 15 years of marriage, I'd like her to be spontaneous and say something like, "I need a good fucking" or "you've been under some stress lately, let me suck your cock and drain that stress from you". But, that's not her style and one can't really expect others to play a role that really isn't within. (A man can only wish that his wife would release her inner slut occassionally...)

For example, I do all our own taxes as I'm good at it, know our financial picture better than anyone, and find it a bit of a "game". She operates a home based business. I've reminding several times in the last few weeks that I was just wating for her numbers so I could begin our return.

While it wasn't directly her fault, the software program she uses (based on home party sales management) screwed some things up so she had to go thru her records and manually tabulate some income and expense categories. She got very aggrivated and while I remained calm, I did tell her that this was another reason why these home party sales companies are full of SHIT! When one figures out the time spent in record keeping, selling, order, driving, etc., the take home profit is near $2.00/hr.

She doesn't like to hear that and I tell her that she'd be better off, happier, more personal time, etc. if she didn't do this business anymore. Even though she had around $5K in losses, it only means an extra $600 in our return amount! After she replied to a question in a nasty tone, I told her half jokingly that "if any woman ever needed a good ass fucking," it was her. Well, she didn't share in my chuckles on the subject needless to say.

While I honor her preference not to have anal sex, there are times where I would like to dominate her and kinda put her in her place. I know that doesn't sound like a loving husband, but dammit, I've done alot and offer alot for her to appreciate and I still get complaining and bitching. My thought is maybe if she had some hard cock up her ass, she would learn to think about other things.

It seems that up until the last year or so, she was content not being the dominant partner in the marriage. By dominant, I mean the strong one who sets the current and future course. And it's never been like I don't try to share power with her and that we don't discuss things or that either person has more of a "vote". She's just not a future thinker and is more in the moment. So I take the reigns of the future with a strong hand and gallop into the fading sunlight.

I suppose I silently appreciate her strength and have for all these years. If I was married to someone who was too submissive, I think I wouldn't respect her...it would be too easy to not listen to her requests and go ahead with my own selfish pursuit. And in this case, some hard ass fucking that (in my mind) we both enjoyed. But, if she was submissive and allowed me to do this and didn't enjoy it, that would be akin to rape, no?

To end on a positive note, my other S's, Spirituality and Stupidity, have been in great supply lately. I'm good with my Maker and with people like George Bush (UAE port deal)and Bode Miller (downhill skier)keeping the gene pool weak, there's been plenty of news sources to keep tab of instead of keeping track of exactly how long it has been since my wife and I even kissed much less had sex.